Taking A Deep Breath. Life Is Always Good.

It has been 3 months now since I left the corporate world. I remember feeling excited, relieved and scared. Excited to spend more time with my baby. Relieved that hubby finally agreed to my pleas of leaving work. Scared of the unknown life of a full-time mom and wondering how we can cope with our family expenses. Honestly, I just wanted a short break from the corporate world. Caring for a high need baby while working (8:30am - 2am at monthend week!) left me with little sleep or no sleep at all! There was never a week that I didn't catch colds. I had to wear masks at home so that our baby won't catch the virus. I wanted to rest when sick but I just couldn't. Not with a baby who depended on me for her food (I still breastfeed) and comfort (She only wants ME!)

Life is now a huge question mark for me. Should I go back to the corporate world? Will I ever get back to the corporate world? Should I try becoming a WAHM? Am I cut out to be a WHAM?

While I'm overanalyzing again, I found a nice quote from the blog The Happiness In Your Life --

We all get overwhelmed, fed up, and it seems the chips are stacked against us at times, no matter how hard we try, how positive we are, or how much faith we have.
You just have to get through it.
Take things one day at a time and don't get on the negative spiral of thinking. Always know inside that it WILL get better and it WON'T always be this hard.
For now, take a deep breath and think about everything, even the tiniest things, that are good in your life right now.
~Doe Zantamata

The last line struck me! I realized that it's either I give in to the frustration or just look at the brighter side. As a Catholic, I have a strong faith and I believe that God only gives you trials that you can overcome. Only He knows the reason for everything. And so I came up with a short list of things that I am thankful for right now.

I'm thankful for this chance to be a full-time mom. Sometimes I think that the reason why I'm having a hard time looking for work is that God wants me to spend more time with Yanna. Not everyone's given a chance to be with their kids all the time. I know how hard it is for working parents to leave their kids while working. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I will aim to make the most out of my time with Yanna because work might be just around the corner and it will be a shame to waste this precious time God has given me.

I'm thankful that I am still able to breastfeed. There are times when I wish to wean Yanna from the breast just so life will be easier for me. But then again, this is a precious gift that I have. I have the means to nurture my child and this must be the most important gift I can give her. Plus, no additional expenses for formula milk. By breastfeeding, I have saved money and possibly saved her from illnesses.

I'm thankful for our humble bed. Hubby and I have been thinking about getting a king-size bed since Yanna is co-sleeping with us. The first few months of co-sleeping were hard. Hubby and I can hardly move, scared we might roll over the baby! Then we just got used to it. Now I say I'm thankful for our bed because we get to sleep real close to each other. We get to hug each other while sleeping!

I'm thankful for all the trials that come our way. They make our marriage stronger and I'm sure that time will come when we will look back and say "kaya pala.."

I'm thankful for Yanna's clinginess. I am one tired mommy! Yanna is very clingy to the point that she cries even when I just need to go to the bathroom to pee! She doesn't want me leaving her sight. Most of the time, she only wants me to carry her. I sometimes envy her yaya who is able to eat better than me because I end up taking care of Yanna. During her 1st birthday party, she cried 90% of the time! This makes me very tired but hubby always reminds me to treasure this stage. There will come a time when she will prefer to be with her friends or boyfriend rather than be with me. Just thinking about it makes me sad!

I'm sure everyone has gone through roller coaster emotions too. Life may be tough at times but the pain will all be worth it soon.

How about you? What are you thankful for?

Mommy May